Anniversaries

25th at 5062 Harrington, Memphis 1976

Age 21

Legal

The only picture I have seen of Pop that I thought looked like me. Mom brought back this tie from her trip in 1950 to California with Granny and Granddaddy Vick and Uncle Gordon.

Family Celebrates His Life

Judy, Mom, John and David

My Family: Matthew, Donna, John, Mary and Mom

Judy's Family: Jake (nephew), Chris and Frances(girlfriend), Shelby, Mark and Judy

Family Photo 1967

This is Mom's Favorite Family Photo

Growing Up Years

Age 2 with his Grandmother Scoby

He often quoted her life lesson for him and for us, "Every tub sits on its own bottom."

Engaged Couple

In front of 727 Eva St., Memphis. Mom's Home

School Years

Snowden Junior High, Ninth Grade, Memphis, TN 1944

Tech High School, Senior, Memphis, TN 1946

(Notice he graduated two years later, he was so smart that he skipped a year of high school.) I do not know what happened to the head specialist dream.

Letter to the Church

Dear Church Family,

We want to say thank you so much for your very kind presence with us in this difficult time. You have been present with us in shared meals, prayers, visits, cards and deep and caring conversations.

At a much deeper level, we want to say thanks. At the graveside John talked about the three homes in life - the first home when our parents brought us from the hospital, the second home we establish with our life mate and the third home when the One who made us and lived and died and rose for us welcomes us into the house not made with hands. Dear friends, you gave our dad and granddad a very special gift. You helped make him at home with himself and with you and with Jesus.

Dad has not always been the person Christ called him to be (as is true for many of us). Your love and five disciple classes and other Bible studies helped him grow toward what John Wesley called "perfection." His change was so remarkable that some of the grandkids came and asked what happened to Papa - "he is so much more kind." He has always had that part in him, you helped bring it out so he could be at home with who he truly was - a devoted disciple of Christ.

You will do many things as a family of faith but giving us a renewed dad and granddad is the greatest gift we have ever received.

We thank you.

In Christ,

The Joe Banks' family

The Wedding: Epworth United Methodist Church, Memphis, TN March 17, 1954

Husband and Wife

Epworth United Methodist is where Pop, John, David and Judy, and my daughter, Mary were baptized.

to r Robert Elmer Banks and Molly Scoby Banks (His Parents), Joe Glenn Banks and Pat Sue Vick Banks, Myrtle Leach Vick and Lawrence John Vick (Her Parents) 1951 at 727 Eva St., Memphis, TN

On the way to the Alamo Plaza for the honeymoon.

Graveside Words

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Graveside Words at Memphis Memorial Park in Memphis, Tennessee, 3:00 PM, Monday, April 1, 2013

There is a time for everything - a time to be born and a time to die.

There are three very important times in our life when we go home. The first, of course, is when our parents bring us proudly home from the hospital. Pop was so frail when he came home that his dad (that I called Packy) carried him around on a pillow to show his neighbors.

The second is when we find our life mate and go to establish a new home. Mom met Dad when she was 18 and they married at 19 and went to establish a home that was sustained for 62 years different places but always home. The pouring rain on St. Patrick's day in 1951 did not wash away their hopes and dreams - three beautiful, unique children and four beautiful, unique grandchildren followed.

And the last time we go home is at death. And as in the previous two times of home going - Home is not about place it is about relationship. Relationship to each other and to the One who made us in the first place. Pop has now gone to that home to that house not made with hands that is like our home on earth - both a great mystery and a great comfort.

Rest in that. Have peace in that.

To all the family and friends know Pop had made it to home three. To all - but to Mom especially - she often said that Pop was her rock. When he could no longer get out as much as he once did, he said, “Patricia go and do what you want, and I will be here when you get home." She said he was her Rock and kept his word - he was always here when she got home. Physically he will not be in his second home any more.

(Presentation) Here is a rock I dug up in your backyard to build your deck and plant your crepe myrtle. It is a reminder that Pop was always here in his second home and also an invitation that he will be waiting for you in his third home. But do not get in rush, you have a lot of living yet to do - Pop has got all the time in the world to wait for you.

Two closing words of scriptures from John 6. First, verse 35 I am the bread of life.  He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in me will never thirst. And, lastly, if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever; and the bread that I shall give is My flesh, which I shall give for the life of the world.

With this kind of bread and meal, I will let Pop have the blessing and the benediction from this side and the other.

(Of course, the speaker did not work with the recording of his blessing so I said it myself. )

The blessing he said every meal since I was early enough to remember:

Heavenly Father, we thank you for this food. Bless it to the nourishment of our bodies for thy service and pardon forgive our sins and save us in heaven. AMEN

Pop's Blessing

Pop's Farewell from Me at the Funeral

(My words at Pop's Funeral in Franklin First United Methodist Church, Franklin, Tennessee.
10:00 AM, Monday, April 1, 2013)

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First, three disclaimers. 

I am not really sure why I am up here  - a doctor does not operate on his father, a plumber's house has leaky faucets - and here I am a pastor talking at my dad's funeral.

Well, as Lynn (his pastor) said when he visited us about the service and looked at our order of worship - he started to say normally we. . . and caught himself in mid sentence and said with the Banks, normal goes out the window.

We are indeed a different normal and Pop (my name for him), Papa (the grandkids name for him), Dad (my brother David’s name for him), Daddy (my sister Judy’s name for him), and Joe or Josephus when he was in trouble (Mom’s names for him) was the chief executive officer of the different normal.

Second, this is not everything. These are the bubbles that have risen to the surface and popped at contact with the air like a good beverage – like club soda and Dr. Pepper and some others. These are the ones I share, and you will have your own and Bob Majors (his best friend) and Lynn Hill (his pastor) will have their own and as each pop at the surface, Pop lives on. 

Third, sometimes I get lost in my world of enjoying and sharing the wonders of this world. It is my calling and passion and purpose. If so, even though my daughter warned - now don't you say anything crazy up there - chat with me and I will try to clarify later.

Let’s begin. For starters, I was a little nervous this morning - maybe a lot - not because of what I would say or try to say because Pop always told me to do my best and everything would be allright. He was talking about my grades (I made a few B's along the way and that was okay as long as I did my best). But that advice has permeated to all the things I do. It is in my pores, it is in my blood, Pop put it in my DNA. And I am never satisfied unless it is my best.

What I am nervous about is my shoes. You see Pop could put a shine on your shoes that - "you can see your face in." I would bring shoes to him on my biannual visits that looked like they had no hope. After twenty or thirty whoos and “Son, these look rough! he would bring them back to me so new that they looked they he had done some kind of switch.

(Aside) Pop, I will try to do better with my shoes since you are not around to polish them.

I am here before you because it is my job - each of us in the family have a job.

I will probably never know about the countless arrangements for this funeral (to include making sure all of us had proper attire) for the day to day finances and long term plans. - that is my brother's job along with taking Mom places when Pop was no longer able. I do not need to know all these details, they were taken care of; it was David’s job. And he did it very, very well. Dave, Dad would want to say thanks for a job well done.

I will probably never know all the countless love and hug sessions through good times and bad, in the day and in the night with Mom and Pop along with the bulletin for this service and the slide show last night.  I do not need to know all the details; it was Judy’s job. And she did it very, very well. Judy, Daddy would want to say thanks for a job well done.

I will probably never know all the million and one times over the last 62 years that Pop has been cared for (for better for worse - takes on a whole new meaning with him). He could be as gentle as a lamb in public yet he could give a whole new meaning to grumpy old man in private. It did not matter. Being his life mate with infinite patience and love, Mom did it very, very well even to her last time with him when she sat all afternoon with him even after he went into la-la land after his sumptous last meal of sweet tea and chocolate ice cream. Mom, Joe, Josephus,  would want to say thank you, Patricia, for a job well done. 

So what job is left for me? Literally, I am the one who fixes things - hang ceiling fans, repair mysterious holes in the wall, building decks, etc., etc., etc. 

Pop got me started at 10 when he sent me up on the ladder with a bucket and brush to paint the gable end since he was afraid of heights. It proved to be an invaluable gift that sustained me in rough times as I painted houses on the side for extra income and rebuilt just about every home I have lived in – my kids can tell you that.

At one point several years ago when I hit the door Pop started on his list. After hanging about the eighth ceiling fan Mom finally had to tell him, “would you at least greet him first and sometimes just let him just visit!” Pop gave me the job like the others, and he let me know the job I was called to  - I fixed other things too.  Son, “you are the peacemaker in the family; you always know what to say and how to make peace.”

That is why I am here before you - I cannot fix Pop leaving - And by the way he did that in his own way with a personal touch for each of us.  I cannot fix this, but I can share the peace Pop accepted toward the end. He let other members of the family have special times with him. For David, in 2006 when all the rest of us were tired of hearing his stuff and about his troubles, Dad came and rescued him and help put him in a place where he could live again. For Judy, there were special private times that in the right time and place she will share because these created even a bigger, very caring heart.

I was not around so often so he did something tailored for me. Knowing the end might be near and wanting to spend quality time with him while he was lucid I did something I rarely do - miss school - (I am a high school physics and chemistry and biology and botany teacher by day). It was one of the best visits I ever had - I fixed lots of things and connected with Pop in very special ways and made peace with that as well. I promised him I would come back at Easter Break. He knew I was coming.

He waited for me.  

He smiled when me and my daughter came in and called us by name. He could no longer suck through a straw so he let me dip the straw in the sweet tea and hold the end to let the change in pressure hold in the tea, and let it go when it was in his mouth. He would just turn to me and make eye contact or open his mouth to let me know he wanted more. 50 or 60 special annointings of tea with Pop were my special time. As Mom fed him spoons of chocolate ice cream on the other side. That was appropriately his last meal - he loved the three C’s –

Coins. He collected them for years - he had tears in his eyes for days when he had to sell his lifelong collection.

 Cars.  He knew the name of ever make and model from 1929 to a time when they all blended together and looked alike.  He treated each of his cars as a treasure

from the brand new 54 chevy he bought right before I was born since Father-in-law would not let his daughter date or marry anyone who drove a Ford

to the 59 white plymouth fury with fins

to the push button Dodge

to the 62 Studebaker with three on the tree on which I learned to drive

to the Marina  Blue Chevy that I got to drive in high school without power steering and

to the Gold Caprice Classic that he sold to me with regular payments - yes sold –

He was an accountant par excellence and knew every

                penny he spent in his ledgers. Some numbered few might balance their check to the penny. Pop balanced his life to the penny. These cars he cleaned methodically to include a toothbrush on the running boards under the place where the door closes. Breathing was under audit when you rode in his cars.

And the third C – chocolate. Chocolate in any form. His favorite was chocolate pie that mom always made on their anniversary. And hershey kisses whose wrappers he trailed on the floor to lead to wherever he was. When he nibbled at his 62nd anniversary pie and when the hershey kisses bowl was full, everyone knew he was getting ready to go home. 

He saved the best for last for me. To do my teaching job for the last 25 years most days I get up at five - my students wonder why in the world I do - it is simple and deep, to have my time of meditation to get ready for the day and who knows what that the day and the youngsters will bring

On Saturday a day I would usually sleep in to maybe something crazy like 6 or even 7. Pop wanted to say one last time how proud he is of me for doing what I do. The phone rang. Pop at passed at five o'clock. One son got up to do his calling once again and one father did his last job before going home – to remind me how proud he is of what I do – I will reminded of his going home time each day I start my day.

Pop always taught me to let my kids know how proud I am of them because that is always what he did for his number one son.  Mary, Matthew, Chris, Shelby, Jake, do you know how proud Papa was of you. If you do not hear that you, as Shelby used to tell Papa, need to put on your listening ears.

(Aside) Dad always taught me to sign my name not John Banks as to confuse with others but John R. Banks. Joe G. Banks message communicated.

And I close with this; one of my most special memories of pop. When I was twelve, I was at my first time away from home in Memphis at scout camp in Arkansas several hours away.  After work, in the dark, he drove those miles and navigated the gravel road where the stream crossed in several places to camp - maybe in that 59 Fury – I do not remember but I remember this. I got a call to come to the dining roll. There was Pop, to my great surprise and joy. The first thing I did was take him to the open field and point out every constellation I had learned. His comment was, "Son, these stars are as big as grapefruits." 

A line we fondly recall and will in the days ahead.  To see the constellations, one has to connect the dots of the stars. In this life we are given lots of stars to look up to and admire - and the way we humans with our limited vision and understanding do that is to connect them various patterns - Big Dipper, Little Dipper, Cassepeia, family, friends, church. All from the reference point of the North Star where altitude and latitude juxtapose that have guided countless sailors and other travelers from time on end.  

The way I fix this, make peace of this is to know the stars are connected in patterns we can understand  - not through accomplishments though pleasurable, not through money and possession though necessary, but through relationships that sustain and keep us and help us not only do our best (polished shoes or no) but be our best. I am so grateful that Pop, my Father, our Father, Husband, Grandfather is/was one of those relationships. Sealed forever with our Heavenly Father, Heavenly Parent - Creator and Sustainer of all things. When you look at the stars in the sky and in your life - remember this and you will be the best  God intended.  

And to paraphrase my favorite Irish blessing.

May the stars be beneath your feet and may God hold you in the palm of your hands until we meet again. Amen